Today was the last day of my first job out of college. And in a little over a week, I will be transitioning into a new position in a new company with a salary pay (?!) and benefits (?!!). I had to sit down and give my two weeks notice, I had a farewell get together at a pub with my boss and some coworkers. Adulthood just got real.
I said goodbye to the people I spent a large portion of my past nine months with, working to solve problems, sharing laughs, testing each others’ professional patience, and looking the other way when someone was taking a break on Facebook. So bittersweet.
I started this position in September with a mutual understanding with my bosses that this position was temporary, and I would be leaving for a new job soon. Well, as soon as an opportunity showed up. Let me tell you, this next-step-“real”-job-finding process was hard. It has been a long painful growing process—knocking on doors that did not seem to want to budge, waiting, crying, finding peace, losing that very peace in the next moment of despair, fighting, soul searching, praying, not praying—but I stand nine months down the road feeling grateful.
Grateful because I met some wonderful people whose role globally may appear small, but are fiercely passionate about what they do and what they are trying to accomplish. People whose goals are not monetary gain but upholding integrity. Grateful because I was forced to learn new things, was challenged to think differently, and was able to discover new talents I possess. Grateful because I was able to waddle into this world of professionalism with people who sincerely wanted me to succeed, were genuine, kind-hearted and just plain normal people. Grateful because now I see God has been at work all along.
Great goodness, I have so far to go. I’m nervous and scared, still unsure of where He is taking me, wondering why He is insistent that I stay put in the city I so desperately did not want to return to. Don’t fret, anxiety and worry driven Angela is still here. But you know what, I’d like to think God is creeping in more and more, molding me here and there, even when I feel worlds away from Him. And that’s good, cause adulthood is creeping in, and I don’t think I’ll fare very well unless He continues to grow me.
Boy am I grateful for grace. Give me more, let me receive, and let me extend.
"My heart is a traitor," the boy said to the alchemist, when they had paused to rest the horses. "It doesn’t want me to go on."
"That makes sense," the alchemist answered. "Naturally it’s afraid that, in pursuing your dreams, you might lose everything you’ve won."
"Even though I complain sometimes," it said, "it’s because I’m the heart of a person, and people’s hearts are that way. Please are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them…"
"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God."
-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho